Saturday, March 28, 2009

Explosion of Random

Let's start with Wynonna Judd, shall we? Who thought that putting this women in a diet commercial was a savvy marketing idea? First, no one has seen her for 10 years since her mother was dying for the 15th time. If we do not know just how fat she got, how do we know if the diet works? Who the hell would buy the food that made her look like this? I would avoid this diet at all costs and await her next TV appearance - suspended by cables and floating over the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. At least Valerie Bertinelli used to be hot.... Wynonna? Honestly.....

If people were even remotely interested in the Judds, they should just have that crazy mother sell the drugs she is taking to escape death from leprosy, lupus, lymphoma - what ever the hell else is ailing her.

I suspect the same marketing genius will cast Mickey Rourke in a moisturizing face cream commercial.

Now that I got that off my chest, we can move on..... Still there? Helloooooo?

I want to be a pole dancer!

There - I got you attention. Let's continue.....

Two questions - are Obama's ears getting bigger and wasn't that mole on the other side last week? Holy Moleeeee....

So, about 20 people got axed at work this week. Not me - I still get to continue my career in buttery topping. The whole layoff process was tactful and very well thought out . Nearly half the people took a voluntary layoff - some with 25 - 30 years of service. So, with the severance they made out pretty well. They had weeks to say good bye and pack up their shit. The other half (I refer to them as the reaper victims) were unsuspecting fools. So imagine as these two groups collide in the lobby on the way out. The "volunteers" were practically dancing in the streets having escaped with a pocket full of cash while "the others" weepingly dragged their half-dead office plants and family photos in trash bags to their car despite their bum leg or advanced pregnancy. NICE! Who knew dysfunction had an actual street address.

So... relieved that I wasn't one of the casualties, I decided to celebrate by prank calling people on the drive home. FUN! There is nothing like calling a random stranger saying "I am so sorry, but there's been a terrible accident" and then simulating bad cell reception and disconnecting. It felt good to smile after such a stressful day. Everyone needs a feel-good moment.

Today is my grandmothers birthday. I think she is like 1000 - but she's a cool old broad. Some of you may know her as Nan... (Everyone loves Nan!!!) I tried to call her to wish her a happy b-day but she was working. She's like 84 - and she works like every day of the week. Yet my mother (some of you may know her as "the goiter") is too old and tired to leave the house. Go figure..... We all know where me and Billy get our work ethic from. So, to keep Mom occupied while she sits at home, I call her.... "there's been a terrible accident".... click.....

I think they should make a soup that has pizza bits and red M & M's - but that's just me.

Well, I hope that I have kept you mildly entertained. Me? I just finished my dinner of Cheerios and Red Bull and plan on rounding out this fine spring evening - rubbing one out to the Wynonna commercial on YouTube. Ewwwwww...

- Chip, Chip Cheerio!

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